


col(d)ark

by r_shanie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But i think it's kinda cute, Fluff and Angst, I really hope it is angst, M/M, Strange thoughts and philosophy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 13:21:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9183454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r_shanie/pseuds/r_shanie
Summary: Shirabu feels cold. And he doesn't have any idea how to deal with it. | Semi has got perfect vision, but there’s darkness around him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My first really finished Semishira fanfiction ever, yaay.  
> English is not my native language, so I'm really sorry for all the mistakes, especially for the words used wrong, if there are ones. But I wanted to share it with Eng-fandom so much, especially since SemiShira is a rarepair, haha :D  
> P.S. Not beta-read.

Shirabu feels cold. And he doesn't have any idea how to deal with it. Freezing wind blows early at morning when he goes to academy, cold snowflakes lie on his face when he comes home, they melt on his cheeks, leaving only frozen drops. He feels only cold when he comes out of his house; he feels only cold when he opens a window in his room.

He feels cold when Semi looks at him.

Semi blows through without wishing to stop on practice, bringing only a cool gust of wind with himself, and this wind is not pleasant as in summer heat, and not even neutral, no, it’s that disgusting, freezing wind, from which the skin coves with the goosebumps, fingers turn into pieces of ice not being able to move.

 

Shirabu walks along the street trying to look only down at his feet; Semi is by his side and he seems to be so far, far away that he doesn’t even cover from the wind blowing from his side. Or, maybe, he’s so intangible that the wind just blows through him, wrapping Shirabu, making him shiver and walk faster. But Semi and the coldness coming from him will pursue Shirabu with the wind that there’s no cover on the empty street from. And Shirabu can’t run away from it anywhere.

 

Shirabu wants to yell that none of Semi’s words can’t reach him, they’re like snowflakes that the wind cathes and takes away somewhere. Where? Shirabu doesn’t know. Maybe the thing Semi has just said will fall into a drift, just like lots of his other phrases, and will stay there until it’s cold on the street, but it has only to become warmer – and they will disappear never arrived Shirabu. Or, maybe, they will be taken far away, to the end of the street, of the city, somewhere they will be impossible to find.  And they can crush against the breeks of a some building’s wall, Shirabu thinks suddenly, but he doesn’t understand what he’s supposed to do with this thought, so he just takes it to the far corner of his mind.

Semi stops talking, but Shirabu notices that only a few seconds later. But Semi doesn’t argue, if he even noticed that, only blindly looking somewhere in front of him. Shirabu wants to say something, but h knows that his words won’t reach Semi either: they’re like the snow falling on a window – it suddenly turns into drops that don’t get the opportunity to experience being real snowflakes, and then, without even reaching the end of the window, they’re frozen again. It’s better not even to try, Shirabu decides, blinking slowly and wishing to arrive home as soon as possible.

They have to go in different directions after a few meters: Shirabu’s house is right there, but Semi has to go some more. The snowflakes suddenly rush up in a whirl, a strong gust of winds is unexpected at all; Semi’s cold lips touch Shirabu’s, Semi closes his eyes, but Shirabu can feel only cold, abruptly became sharp snowflakes falling on his neck and sliding down. This kiss is like a sip of water – cold water that leaves just disgusting feel in throat after, cold pulsating lump, bumping on the forehead and on the back of the head, making only wait until it’s gone.

Semi pulls away and, silently saying bye, turns around going away, and Shirabu only at this moment manages to breath the warm air out, warming up his throat and being grateful it’s ended.

The house meets him with the coldness that has already became familiar. Mother will come in two hours, father – even later. Shirabu knows, there in Semi’s house it’s always  warm and comfortable, he’s used to staying at his place. Semi-san is an unbelievably kind woman that smiles just the way her son does that. She was always flying in the kitchen like a butterfly, setting the table and feeding Shirabu with hot curry and making Shirabu smile along with her light shiny laughter. Shirabu misses it. Where has it gone? It seems like getting darker out there, and Shirabu decides to do his homework, trying to hide his loneliness from himself. The heat in his house works good, but he pulls his blanket closer, wrapping it around his shoulders, and he sits like this for a minute, without any moves, trying to warm up. If only he could even do that.

It’s still cold at mornings, still windy, still Shirabu trying to come to academy earlier and not to meet Semi, because he perfectly knows when he comes out of his house and how fast he usually walks at mornings. The wind still brings sharp snowflakes, invisibly but painfully scratching Shirabu’s cheeks. Sometimes Semi’s hands are very cold, but he always touches Shirabu’s skin gently.

After his classes, Shirabu is in a hurru, trying to slip into the club room unnoticeable, but his legs don’t want to obey, everytime going to walk slower or even worse – just stop. Shirabu understands that he waiting for something, he doesn’t know for what, but he’s waiting: for when he’ll see Semi in a school’s window? When Semi will call him somewhere there, as usually? What is he waiting for?

The practice just goes as always: they act as if they didn’t see each other again, but for some reason Shirabu anyway tries to come to Semi once again, swallow – just for his voice to sound like usually, and ask for an advice. He realizes that he’s glad to see Semi turning back and trying to smile when he finds out it’s Shirabu. Shirabu doesn’t hide from himself the fact that he wants to be needed, and he can’t lie to himself. Something inside of him is trying to get out, but he doesn’t know what is it right now. But it still seems like something in him doesn’t want to let Semi go, doesn’t want to listen all the “it will continue like this and we’ll grow apart at the end” that Shirabu seemingly has already decided for himself, and he’s afraid of himself, he’s afraid to realize one day that he gets attached too fast, that he can’t completely burn the bridges. He’s afraid until he asks himself – but why does he even has to burn that bridge?

He comes to the club room first, he leaves it last, playing for time, but at the end he can’t manage to stay alone, to go home alone and think about himself and his feelings to Semi. Shirabu feels stressed out and wants to blame Semi on not giving him enough space and time for thoughts, but doesn’t allow that impulse control him. He doesn’t know what he wants, doesn’t know which conclusion he will come after all his thoughts, so he decides not to ruin everything prematurely.

Semi’s lips are cool again, but Shirabu feels how every time they touch his skin they become hotter. Semi kisses the back of his neck carefully, and Shirabu remembers how cold snowflakes were melting under his hood. He shivers, feeling a soft and warm touch of Semi’s lips on his cheek; the other one is suddenly scratched by the sharp wind phantomically. Warm – cause they’re warm, aren’t they? – hands touch his stomach and Shirabu, not controlling himself, breathes with a moan; one moment, like a flash of light, and he turns around, pulling Semi to himself.  Shirabu finally understands that he’s got lost somewhere among the crossroad of the frozen winds, that he must deal with this all – and that he definitely mustn’t let Semi go no matter which of the winds will become his fair wind.

***

Semi feels like he’s a three years old child left home alone; he’s like in a kind of darkness, not having any idea where to go and what to do and not understanding , what to think about and how to deal with it. He’s got perfect vision, but there’s darkness around him. Semi can see Tendou’s excited look, see Ushijima that is listening to Tendou’s unstoppable waterfall of words, but at the moment Shirabu appears  in his sight – everything is plunged into darkness. Semi wants to scatter it, wants to pull away and run to him, but he doesn’t see the road and it seems like he will go in the wrong direction if he does even a single step.

Semi doesn’t know what he should do: avoid Shirabu, give him more space or, on the contrary, try to get him back, go on the offensive, everything but just standing there. Semi hates his uncertainty that has woken up in such not a good time and disturb them both. He decides to go to Shirabu on practice and try to ask him to stay after, but he changes his mind at the last moment – he loses a step in the darkness and finally takes a wrong turn – he runs past leaving Shirabu’s misunderstanding look behind him.

Shirabu, as he always does, walks by his side when they go home, but Semi still feels like he’s alone here. He tries to talk about something, but realizes: his words aren’t caught by anything, they fly away, echoing in the dark space. Now Semi doesn’t has to look for the road, but Shirabu still is somewhere in the darkness – and Semi absolutely doesn’t know which way he should go to Shirabu, what to say to him and how to touch him. He doesn’t even remember when Shirabu started getting darker, when he went off, so he doesn’t know where he must return to.

For a moment, his world lightens up, just for a second, like a lightning while storming, but this second is enough for Semi to see Shirabu’s changed expression and pull their lips together, clenching one hand and grabbing Shirabu’s jacket in other just to let if off at the second moment. Semi breathes out in a kiss with despair while the darkness around him is forming again and without waiting for it covering Shirabu he licks his bottom lip, scolding himself right after this: it will crack in cold. He’s going to pull away, but with some rush he doesn’t let Shirabu turn around, kissing him again and this time letting himself touch his tongue, and then he finally pulls away, turning around and going away.

Semi’s house is warm, his mother meets him with a loving smile, and Semi wants to smile to Shirabu the same way, but he can’t – he doesn’t know where he must turn his face. The whole house is lightened up, but his own world is still dark; his room is light, but even in Shirabu’s room, that is a bit smaller and seemingly fainter, it’s way lighter.

It’s just having Shirabu around in Shirabu’s room, Semi understands, but he still doesn’t know what to do with this thought.

Maybe he needs a sign, Semi thinks, maybe he needs his own light in the end of the tunnel, his own torch or at least small, almost invisible firefly, there’s just one thing the same in each way: he’s not able to get out of there alone.

Semi wants to smile to Shirabu as he’s used to, he knows how to do that, but his face’s muscles don’t want to obey him, instead of them there are his leg’s muscles going all out and making him make a step forward, grab Shirabu’s shirt with a number and pull him to his body no matter who’s there in the gym and who can see them; but at the moment Semi raises his arm, he’s in the darkness again and he doesn’t know where his fingers must reach and when he must clinch them.

Semi is out of breath when his lips touch Shirabu’s neck, when he hears his silent moans and feels his heart beating. Shirabu is warm, incredibly warm – and he all is in Semi’s hands. Shirabu breathes out and puts his head back when Semi strokes his sides slightly pressing his fingers to Shirabu’s ribs where they’re palpable. Semi feels like he’s somewhere in the center of a dark field, standing there in spotlight, and he pulls Shirabu closer, scanning his whole body while he’s able to; the light blinks suddenly – and Shirabu gets off his hands, but he doesn’t go dark; Shirabu turns around and hugs Semi strongly. The club room’s lump’s light plays with Shirabu’s hair, and it looks like hundreds of fireflies messed up in his hair. Semi doesn’t let it out of his sight.

But in the evening Semi goes bed in his room alone, in black darkness. There are fireflies flying above his head, and he wants to ask them to show him the road, but it seems like they don’t want to leave the room. They’re flying in front of his eyes when he closes them and tries to sleep, not letting Semi run away from this all.

Shirabu stares at a big, ugly snowflake that has fallen on his glove. It’s strange and nasty, what can he get from it?

_"Tell me please, where did you see your “beautiful” here?" Shirabu shows Semi his glove with that big snowflake, not even thinking that it can fall or he can blow it away or make it melt with his breathing._

_"Oh, and you know everything," Semi grins, deftly grabbing Shirabu’s wrist and, pulling him closer, makes him stay perfectly still._

_Semi’s hand touches the snowflake carefully, and there is the miracle happening in front of their eyes: the snowflake – even a scoop of snow – jumps on Shirabu’s hand and breaks down into some beautiful, absolutely different snowflakes. Shirabu feels Semi’s breathing on his cheek and realizes: Semi is smiling._

_"So check this the next time, there can be something cool behind something strange and ughy," Semi grins, and Shirabu feel his cheeks going red._

_"Damn philosopher," it’s dark on the street, only reflections of the lights on the snowflakes blink in the air, but Shirabu turns away anyway._

_But Semi’s hands are already hugging him from the back._

_"You’ll see, it will be useful one day," with a voice of proud sempai Semi predicts and hugs Shirabu tightly, smiling to himself his eyes closed._

Shirabu shivers when this memory comes to his mind, not understanding what could it mean, but his hands reaches the other one, the snowflake lying on it. He touches it carefully, but makes a mistake in process and breaks the snowflake – like always. He silently clenches his teeth and tries to catch another one.

_"But not too strongly, or you’ll break it down."_

Opening the snowflake must be slow, Shirabu reminds himself. Carefully, touch it with a slight bump, without hurrying and efforts – and there they are, three miraculous snowflakes.

Carefully and without efforts… Without hurrying.

It really is magical.

He can see his mom running forward, waving her hand and smiling happily to her son who came out to meet her after work. Shirabu clenches his hand looking at the snowflakes caught even on thin lines of wool, and he thinks that – well, it seems to be so – now he knows where his lost warm is.

***

Semi is woken up by the vibration of his phone, and blinks quickly, trying to focuse on the screen. It’s dark in the room, it’s dark in his dream, his own little world is deep in dark, too. Semi, who’s not used to leaving messages to later, unblocks the screen.

The screen is too light, but the one – the only one – dialog box has an understated, but pleasant for eyes theme that becomes darker at night. Semi can open his eyes and feel  the light of the screen reflecting on his own skin, lighting up the pillow, even the wall – feel the darkness disappearing.

_“I did it”_

_“[attachment]”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading!


End file.
